The Beginning of a Relationship

I keep dreaming of drowning. 

Every time, it starts peacefully - the sun shining, the blue sky, the still water. 

I am watching a man in red swimming trunks on a small rock in the middle of the sea. He dives elegantly into the water, he swims a little, and then the sky turns dark and a wave appears from nowhere and engulfs him. 

I see a man get stabbed in the stomach, who jumps into the water thinking it would be better to drown instead, instead of dying by someone else’s hand. And then I am him, swimming, and I feel the pain in my lungs and push further and further into not being able to breathe. I surrender to it. 

But then I realise the salt water might heal my stab wound, I just need to breathe, and keep swimming.